October 25th, 2005
I am done
Bloggin is for dummies. But i am doing it anyway. Today I feel like some crap. Why u might ask? Well have u ever seen that commerical where there are monkeys running around this employee. I think its an ad for one of those career/job websites. Anyways...thats where i work. ITs frustrating because 1) don't like people, but my job makes me interact with people 2) Although my desk is a mess, I hate lack of organization and thats exactly what this place looks like. I also am not eating for the next few hours and basically my Ramadan has stucked. so bad! I have really been slipping. I am usually so focused. So is it becuase I got all the material crap a girl can ask for, I don't need to bow down!? I mean I am grateful, but I just feel like a donkey caring books at times. I know stuff but I don't impliment anything. So yeah...I feel like I am moving through life with no real goals or plan. I mean I have both , but each day i don't do anythin gtowards them, so I feel like I have no motivation for life. I hate my job which is like 233% of my hours each week. I must be bipolar cuz my moods...well no I am just always in a bad mood regardless and not eatting for some parts of the day, plus a stank job and people that make me do what I don't wnat to do...ugh! My life is not supposed to be all about me, but somtimes I feel like it is. I rmember when things were going well for me and life was a bowl of roses. Then what happend. who knows, teh chemical imbalances in my brain mixed in with the evil that is in me. Cuz u know what they say, dunring ramadan, the devil is fettered (i love that word for some reason) So basicalyl all the bad and triflling stuff u do is SOLELY beacsue you are bad and trifling. And lets jsut say I have too real picture of the real complexities of my nature. So do I give up? I mean, if I am this bad during Ramadan, a holy month, does that mean I'm ever going to better....EVER!? Wait do I do...wait until Ramadan. I just want to sleep which of course is a good sign that my depression is trying to rear its ugly nose from the sand. UGH!I just need a break. I need to go!